THE ARTIST

Hello. It's been a while since I wrote anything here. You may have been wondering what's
become of me. The truth is, I've been off re-inventing myself. And now I return. What as?
You might wonder, and rightly so, for I just told you that I have been re-inventing myself.
The fact is, I've re-invented myself––and very successfully I might add––as a Sandwich Artist.
That's right. I've been making an awful lot of sandwiches lately and they are really super and they just taste great. I've done a lot of Research and have come to some very important Conclusions regarding Sandwich Art. Like about Bread. For example: you never want to have bread that competes with or drowns out the flavors inside your Sandwich. Consider Rye. Rye is just too strong. It is great as buttered toast. But you should never use Rye in a Sandwich unless your filling consists only of cheese and onions. Same goes for Sourdough, a mighty good dough but if you're using Sourdough as Sandwich Bread be careful! (There are specific combinations wherein it shines and I will get to those later but for now... watchout!)
Bread is 2/3 of your sandwich. Buy good Bread, you bastards. Beware of bread that is too sweet or too floppy. Those characteristics usually mean shit bread. You never ever want to use shit bread in your sandwiches because then your sandwiches will taste like shit. It's simple math and as a Sandwich Artist I speak from experience and authority.
Also, I really hope you're not the kind of loser that uses gluten free "bread", because then you're fucked. Unfortunately I am because my doctor told me not to eat gluten and about this I am very sad, saddened, because, as I like to complain to my friends, "life is not worth living without bread". What is YOUR life worth? Nothing? Fine, then use gluten free "bread". OR use crusty chewy sourdough and airy floury ciabatta. Use Dave's Killer bread and die happy. Be a Sandwich Artist.

...stay tuned for next time when I discuss fillings, in "Sandwiches: the Inside Angle"

 SANDWICHES: THE INSIDE ANGLE

Hello, and welcome to Sandwiches: The Inside Angle.
I have three wonderful Sandwiches that I like to make and eat and I will tell you all about them right now. (I hope you're excited!!)
BUT FIRST: Please remember to toast your bread! Sandwiches are much better on toasted bread. It's really important to me that you don't fuck up the Inside Angle by putting your fillings between cold, flaccid slices. I mean, they don't have to be crunchy but at least warm them a little, at least, thanks.

Here's some Sandwiches:
1. This one features a chipotle spread. Please make this spread. It's unbelievably good. Then put it in your Sandwich and add other stuff. Here, like this:
Dump a jar of Veganaise in a bowl. Cut a half-cup of cilantro really fine, mix it in. Add a splash of apple cider vinegar, a dash of soy sauce, a few drops of olive oil, two drops of maple syrup, a squirt of mustard– the condiment not the powder. Add some chipotle powder, depending on how much you like chipotle. Mix.
Now toast some good white bread, like, a French Batard, or whatever. Spread with the chipotle mixture, add avocado, red onion, tomato, butter lettuce. Hell, even a cucumber might be cool–for the crunch. Do you like peperonci? I do an awful lot. They taste good on this sandwich because their bite is cut by the avocado and balanced by the chipotle sauce. Hey! Did you know that chipotles are smoked jalepenos? I did too.

2. Make this one on a Baguette. This Sandwich is good because it's a Bahn Mi. That means Vietnamese for good Sandwich.
Dice a half-inch of ginger and a clove of garlic, mix in a bowl with a touch of sesame oil and a pinch of sugar and a lot of tamari sauce. Slice thin strips of extra-firm tofu. Marinate in the soy-ginger mixture. Fry marinated tofu on med-low heat, turning occasionally until brown. Put the tofu on the baguette with some veganaise, grated carrots, red onion, cilantro, basil. This mixture is strong. Maybe you'll want to tone it down and add a little lettuce. Maybe not. But either way, look! You've made a sandwich.

3. This Sandwich is good because of how garlic and olive oil and rosemary taste together on Bread. They taste awfully good. It's kind of special. This Sandwich is made with Ciabatta. And olive oil. They go good together. I like the way the olive oil kinda hangs out in the little airy pockets of dough. Ciabatta is kind of a tough bread, chewy-like and with a crust so crisp it can cut you. Yeah, Ciabatta (Chapata en EspaƱol) can really handle olive oil the way say, oh, any other bread just... can't.
So please, use Ciabatta.
Now do this: mince a clove of garlic and put it in a little bowl with some olive oil. Hey by the way, if your olive oil isn't super good strong fancy extra virgin (unlike like your mom) olive oil then your Sandwich will suck so for god's sake use good olive oil. Chop up a little fresh rosemary and add that too. Let the olive oil garlic rosemary mixture sit, over there in its little bowl. Then slice some really good sweet Italian red peppers. Slice 'em thin. (You can find them at the market. They look like Bell peppers but longer and thinner and darker red. Or you could just use Bell pepper but I'd really rather you didn't.)
Toast a couple slices of Ciabatta, not too much. I mean don't toast them too much. You can use all the Ciabatta you want. I mean, I don't know how many Sandwiches you are making. Maybe you're having guests or something. Maybe not. Either way it's time to spread the olive oil garlic rosemary mixture on your toasted Ciabatta. The put a few shards of a hard cheese like parmesan. Then put on the peppers and then some black pepper too and then you should add a couple of those withered wrinkly-skinned black olives like you get at the deli. Don't use any other kind of olive because that is not this recipe and I don't think it would taste good. Those wrinkly olives taste good in the Sandwich because they are pretty mild, almost sweet. Or you could just have them on the side. I like them. I know other people who like them too who don't even normally like olives.